Being human is hard.
So is being a woman, so is being single, so is discerning your vocation, planning your future, and living as a daughter of God. That’s why we’re doing this series.
“I want there to be a bigger, badder, awesomer community of strong, independent, beautiful, God-fearing women who desire to grow in holiness until the day they walk down the aisle or make vows into a religious community. We are in this together. Let’s tell each other that. The stories. The hurt. The heartache. The joy. The adventures. Everything.”
So here are my thoughts on not being alone.
To help me let go, I often imagine bundling all my worries up, putting them in a wooden box or a wicker basket (a la Little Red Riding Hood) and handing them to God. I walk toward His throne of grace and I say, God, this is all the crappity stuff of today. Then I hand it over, and tell Him that it’s His problem now. “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Heb 4:16)
In my impatience, I hate waiting for it. In my fear, I hate that it might not happen. And in my pride, I hate the mocking voice which tell me I am single because… because I’m not pretty enough, not thin enough, or not nice enough, because I’m too picky, or I’m too desperate, because I’m too religious, or I’m not religious enough. But above all, that I’m single because all the guys in the world have figured out what I already fear: that there is something deeply, irredeemably, and inextricably wrong with me.
I don’t fight it, or to shame myself for it. So none of this: “oh my goodness Laura, how can you be so weak and pathetic and useless? You have the tiniest problems in the world but you can’t even handle them! So pathetic. I hate you so much. Just shut up and deal with it like everyone else, you pathetic, self-absorbed, space-wasting accretion on the fabric of society.” No sirree, not for me! I remind myself that if I could ”just snap out of it”, “pull myself together” or “be logical” about it all, I probably would have by now. So I probably just need a good cry and a cuppa.