Just Friends with a Guy? {Not Alone Series}

not alone5This week’s question is “can you be ‘just friends’ with a guy?”

To which my response is, oh dear I hope so… otherwise I am in some serious trouble. Because really? We’re still asking this question?

I don’t have heaps of guy friends but I do have some and I love them dearly. In fact, I’d say that not only can you be “just friends” with guys, you should be friends with guys. They’re wonderful creatures! They are hilarious, they say the funniest things, they are (mostly) super helpful and they are fantastic for having arguments with. But far more importantly, they are (and don’t freak out when I say this) human beings. 

Obvious being friends with guys is different from being friends with girls, which is what you’d expect given that guys are different from girls. (Groundbreaking, I know.) But equally, there are some things I don’t do or share with friends that I do with my family, particularly my mum. That doesn’t mean we’re not friends. Friendships are always going to be different depending on circumstances and the people involved. 

And yeah, there are some boundaries you need to beware of. I mean, I don’t text my guy friends being all, “Hey sweetie, miss you soooo much. Can we do lunch soon?? I’m dying for a catch up. Love you beautiful – always ok so don’t you forget it. Gb hun.” Because apparently, that could be taken the wrong way. (Say whaaaat?)

(Actually, that’s one of the hilarious things about being friends with guys, they mostly just launch straight into what they want to talk about without any preamble or social pleasantries. Out of nowhere, suddenly a message will come: “Do you believe in the Immaculate Conception and if so, why?” At which point, I’m like “Hey to you too, crazy kid… How are you? I’m well. I assume by you are too by your enthusiasm for the finer points of Marian doctrine. Sure let’s talk about it…” And off we go. This happens to me more than you would think…)

Two holy friends, St Clare and St Francis of Assisi

Two holy friends, St Clare and St Francis of Assisi

Also, I think being “just friends” with guys is more important than ever because it teaches us that chastity is totally doable. Ok, it’s not always easy but men and women are human beings, made in the image and likeness of God, made for friendship with each other and with God, first. And this is a much more important fact than that men and women can have sex, have babies and be, as John Green charmingly puts it, monogamous face-licking partners. That explicitly sexual element of our being as male and female will one day pass away. I mean, there’s no marriage in heaven right?

Being friends with guys reminds me what should be blatantly obvious anyway: men are human. They are beautiful and flawed and strange and deeply loved by an awesome God. They are not better and they are not worse. They are different but we have far more in common than we don’t.

And that’s why I love my guy friends.

But here’s a question, am I just being naive? Do you think guys and girls can be “just friends”?


7 responses to “Just Friends with a Guy? {Not Alone Series}

  1. I believe it is possible. If there is a form of natural attraction though, no. I am not speaking of lust but attraction. It will definitely be a lot more difficult and frustrating if there is no self-restraint. But if there is none and soley care, trust, sibiling affection, most definitely.

  2. You can totally be ‘just friends’ with guys!
    I have several old friends who are male and who are more like brothers to me than anything else! I love then and adore them very much. Sometimes guys are also easier to just casually chat to or banter with than girls are.
    When I was single I had more male friends than I do now (probably obviously) but I’ve pretty much almost always had alot of male friends right from pre-school to now!

    I think being a Christian woman almost makes it easier to be ‘just friends’ with guys too because you’ll never have that ‘friends with benefits’ bullsh*t, EVER!
    I believe you can have that ‘brotherly-type’ friendship with guys but as soon as that guy becomes your ‘best’ friend…
    Well, you might just end up marrying them…
    (Proof = My own relationship)

  3. Yes, guys and girls can be just friends. It requires maturity and an ability to distinguish charity from other types of love — so it is harder for some guys than others. And some girls, too.

  4. Friendships are always going to be different depending on circumstances and the people involved. – This is what I think too.

  5. Yes, it is possible. But um, St. Francis and St. Clare (in your picture to go with the article) actually struggled a lot. Francis did not want the men to have much to do with the women, and the Poor Clares truly had to beg for their assistance. I think at one point St. Clare said something like, “We left the world to follow Christ through your example. You could at least come and preach to us.” (Not verbatim there.) Francis finally agreed – but only if they met him half way. They battled it out for years, until finally I think the Pope had to intervene and force the friars to assist the women.

    So much for having male friends. *sigh*

  6. Haha, I would be in such trouble if guy/girls can’t be friends, too!! Great post, I really enjoyed reading it with your funny tidbits here and there.

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