What I Love About Being Single {Not Alone Series}

not alone5Ok, so this is a hard post for me to write about. In fact, I’ve written a version of this post about three times times now, and each time, I’ve scraped it.

It’s not because I can’t think of things I love about being single. There are plenty! I love the freedom, the opportunities, the staying up late and sleeping in, and the fact that I get to live with two amazing Christian women where there are things like slow cookers, Netflix, unparalleled hilarity, and a constant supply of chocolate and Bailey’s in the cupboard.

But although there are things I love about being single, I don’t love being single. It’s got nothing to do with the benefits, it’s just because I know – in some deep, untouchable place where even the fear can’t get to – that this isn’t what I am called to be. I want to be a wife and a mother. I’ve always wanted this. Sometimes in my crazier moments, I think it’s all I want.

In my impatience, I hate waiting for it. In my fear, I hate that it might not happen. And in my pride, I hate the mocking voice which tell me I am single because… because I’m not pretty enough, not thin enough, or not nice enough, because I’m too picky, or I’m too desperate, because I’m too religious, or I’m not religious enough. But above all, that I’m single because all the guys in the world have figured out what I already fear: that there is something deeply, irredeemably, and inextricably wrong with me.

It’s a cheering thought, isn’t it?

In one sense, my dislike of singleness has far less to do with my vocation than my own fears. It’s why I’m pretty sure if and when (God willing) I do marry and have children, I’ll look back on these single days with envy. I say things like, “Why didn’t I appreciate what I had? Why couldn’t I live in the moment? Why did I always have to be looking around the next corner, wondering what’s going to happening and comparing myself to everyone else???” 

And I will know the answer: because I was afraid.

Which is a sucky reason.

So I’m making an effort to enjoy these times. Honestly, the best reasons I can think of for being single are what I’m doing right now. It’s a Tuesday night and I’m just chilling on the couch, chatting to my flatmates, and blogging away to my heart’s content. Tomorrow I’m planning on getting a haircut and maybe buying a coat, just because I can. Next week, I’m looking forward to attending a week-long conference on Catholic tradition, and hanging out with my friends, because I want to. In the next few months, I will be beginning a thesis but you know what, if I decide that next year I want to go to England or Rome or go save the whales, I can do that too.

Or not.

Really, I can do anything I want, which is good thing because there are so many things I want to do!

But the thing I love most about single is just how much I don’t like it. Ok, that might not make much sense. Unfortunately, I know that I run to God precisely in those moments when I hate being single most. As corny as it might sound, I know God is healing and refining me through this. Sometimes, I think I can feel the sting of the antiseptic, or the stitches threaded through my wounded soul. I can certainly feel the growing pains.

But my Jesus is the great Physician, and He is awesome. And honestly, I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t been single. I might not even have been Catholic. All of which makes me think, maybe, just maybe, Jesus knows what He’s doing here.

And what’s not to love about that?


Read many more (and much better!) thoughts on being single at Jumping in Puddles!


33 responses to “What I Love About Being Single {Not Alone Series}

  1. This is amazing! Thank you for writing this! I was thinking about blogging about the same topic as well! But seriously, singleness is AMAZING, just as much as a wonderful relationship is!

    • Thanks! You should totally write it! Would love to read it. I know it’s something I’m often losing sight of but being single IS amazing. 🙂

  2. This post is beautiful in it’s honesty and openness. I can speak for myself and say I have that fear or should I say fears too picky, too religious, too boring, too flawed. A couple years ago at a friend’s bridal shower she talked about how she enjoyed her single life and made the best of it, I was thinking lucky you I just want to be married why can’t I just skip this part. Now there are days when I like it better than others.

    “But the thing I love most about single is just how much I don’t like it.” – This does make sense to me.

    • Thank you Nikki! That is very kind of you to say. 🙂 I’m glad I’m not the only one, and I totally get the “why can’t I just skip this part?” bit. Waaaay too much!

  3. This is such a thoughtful and real post. I think we are all are feeling the same way as you do… and our hearts have some sort of healing to take place. I think you have the right attitude about trying and really looking for the great in this time of our lives. Yes, it’s hard.. completely. But, the Lord desires you completely right now… and he never promised the easy life. (yes, yes… I threw the clique out there!)

    • Thanks Jen! Yes, I think there are so many women who feel like we do. It’s hard, but you’re absolutely right that God doesn’t promise us easy. It’s a cliche for a reason! And thank you for running this whole series. It has already helped me enormously and I’m looking forward to it continuing! 🙂

  4. Don’t you go listening to no mocking voices, girlfriend, no not never, they is mad voices – they won’t tell you you are lovely, or that you are wonderful, or that you are right to wait for the right man – and to think that being a mother and a wife is a great and a high vocation. Sure, no doubt there will be times you miss chilling out – but hey, think of the up-sides 🙂 x

    Great post Laura.

  5. I wrote about something similar this week. My last relationship (one that I expected to end in marriage, not singlehood!) ended in February and it feels so off, just because he’s such a good man, and we wanted the same things, and it felt like, obviously, that means we should be together forever! But without that relationship ending, I would never have desired to find Jesus FOR Jesus, I would have merely kept the “relationship” with Him going because I was supposed to. This time of singlehood is necessary for us to abandon our hearts to Jesus so that we can be better wives and mothers, when that time comes.

    You’ve got it, girl. And He’s got you!

    • Oh, that sounds hard! But I’m so glad that you have found what I’ve found: that this is a rare, and precious time to get closer to Jesus. Thanks so much for commenting!

  6. Ohmygoodness, this is totally me! Yes, we can love the freedoms of the single life, but deep down I’ve always felt that some of the things we’re told to relish and revel in are…kinda selfish, or at least, virtue-neutral, and if we enjoy them too much, marriage might be harder. Perhaps our dating web site handle should be “Desperately Seeking Sacrifice….” And it totally makes sense to love how much you dislike something, because it is those strong emotions that propel us to make changes…and seek God to help and heal us. Thank you for your honesty and a great post!

    • Haha, yes! I love the idea of “Desperately Seeking Sacrifice…” Tho I feel like I’d have to add, “plenty of opportunities for you to grow in patience and longsuffering too!” to mine. 😉 I’m glad it makes sense. I really wasn’t sure if it would!

  7. I had a hard time writing this weeks post because of the same reasons you stated above, but I didn’t have the vulnerability to share it. Thanks for being so open! I know the Lord is bringing healing and purification during our single years. 🙂

    • Thanks Maggie! I’m glad you know too all that God is doing in these years – even if we suppose would wish it was different! God bless you! 🙂

  8. Constant supply of chocolate and baileys?? Can I move in??

    I like the point that you make that if you weren’t single during these times you might not be the person you are today. So true with me, too. If I was still in a relationship, I would not have had the opportunity for me and my faith to grow! So thank God for being single!

  9. Here now, girl, don’t you go pining for no man, you’ll end up with a wonderful one soon enough, in the meantime, have fun and do what interests you.

    You’re the best so make sure you get the best as well. 🙂

    • Thanks Joseph! I wish I wasn’t coz they’re not pleasant thoughts on the whole, but it’s good to talk about I think. Also, when I was in the library I was a poster that said, “Keep Calm and Don’t Ask About My Thesis”, and I thought of you. Hope it’s going well!! 🙂

  10. Pingback: 7 Quick Takes Friday ~ Vol 35 | The Veil of Chastity·

  11. The first part of your post puts into words something I’ve been fearful of saying myself. I hate being single, I feel it is not my permanent vocation, but I fear that I’m not ‘enough’ of something: pretty, holy, flirty, nice, virtuous, etc… for any guy who might consider thinking about dating me, let alone be my husband. It’s really difficult – thanks for putting my feelings into words.

  12. It is good you blogged about it. From what I understand (and I really do not know as I really never get this personally) single people feel somewhat judged by the world for being single, so it is great that you shared this for those who do feel this way.

    Personally, i find it strange that people even have romantic relationships. I love being single – I know it is not my vocation to be married, and I am 100% there with it.

    I love that I am not available, off the shelf…etc. I never feel strange about it.

    It is a wonderful way to live as it is the closest to how the religious live. (That would be the ultimate, but hey, being in the middle is ok too. 🙂 )

  13. “In my impatience, I hate waiting for it. In my fear, I hate that it might not happen. And in my pride, I hate the mocking voice which tell me I am single because… because I’m not pretty enough, not thin enough, or not nice enough, because I’m too picky, or I’m too desperate, because I’m too religious, or I’m not religious enough. But above all, that I’m single because all the guys in the world have figured out what I already fear:….”
    Same here” (i have my own fear, but still not have enough courage to write it down and share)

  14. Pingback: The What If Challenge {Not Alone Series} | Catholic Cravings·

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